And You Thought the iPhone Was Great BEFORE It Cured Erectile Dysfunction

It’s a lazy Saturday, like any other. Actually, maybe some of you have busy Saturdays. Whatever. It’s lazy on this end. As such, I’m about to showcase an iPhone app. No, really, you’ll love this.

We’re all at this point well familiar with the App Store’s unfathomably arbitrary approval process, but this app dares to posit the dawning of a new echelon for iPhone shovelware. What does it do? It cures erectile dysfunction, of course.

Fire Up Your Sex Drive‘ is amazing, and I mean that in the ironic hipster way. ‘Just For Male!’ the app pitches with a clear disregard for English grammar, ‘This application could vastly enhance your male power!’ My male power. Surely they mean my ability to grunt and lift things and eat sandwiches from a metal lunchbox among the scaffolding of an unfinished skyscraper with my manfriends as we trade stories about hot broads with which we would like to engage in extramarital affairs.

Apparently, though, they don’t. ‘Just listen to the audio for 6 minutes everyday, and after 20 days your male sexuality will be enhanced for more than 85%! The effect is close to taking a viagra!’ That’s right: FUYSD plays an audio recording. Specifically, a ‘high pitched alpha wave’ that ‘could stimulate your brain to adjust endocrine system and produce some male sex hormone’ [emphasis mine, terrible grammar not].

Thank goodness the world has this app. There really is nothing the iPhone can’t do. No task too big, no organ too flaccid. I’m interested to know who among Apple’s crack app approval team squad force decided to take up the task of thoroughly looking a this app before letting it out the door. It takes a big man to admit his ED, and a bigger man to do something about it.


There, I said it.

Written by Ty Dunitz

Ty is an illustrator who stays up too late, and has to wear glasses. You can follow him on Twitter if you want to (@glitchritual), but he's just gonna throw your stupid PR crap in the garbage, so don't email him.

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  • moxley

    Funny article…..but did you actually try the app?

  • Jo Dern

    Oh wow, that look like a lot of fun


  • Jeff

    A real man doesn’t cheat on his wife, nor would he joke about it.

  • Patrick

    “hot broads with which we would like to engage in extramarital affairs” should be:
    “hot broads with whom we would like to engage in extramarital affairs”.

  • Hi, 

    Its brilliant post guys……………………………………………….

  • The Lawyerist has an article naming the essential iPhone/iPad apps. … use of the drug’s active ingredient, sildenafil, for treating erectile dysfunction. …

  • In this world most of people suffering with the erectile dysfunction i suggest such people go to online pharmacy to cure ED by using Generic viagra ….

  • a very interesting link between i Phones and ED.
    however, need to get a bit more of clear details about the same. Looking forward
    to it.