Now You, Too, Can Have a Clooney Baby

Phew. For a moment there, I thought I was going to have an ugly baby. You know, what with me being so ugly and all. But now I don’t have to worry my ugly self – Beautiful People have come to my aid.

I speak, of course, about Beautifulpeople.com – the dating site for beautiful people. Yeah, I hadn’t heard of this, either. Let me tell you how it works. Beautifulpeople is a dating site like any other, except it’s exceptionally discriminatory, and you’re screened for hotness upon applying to join the community. Only one in five is accepted. This of course brings up the paradox of ‘if you’re so hot, why would you join a dating site in the first place’, but that’s another article for another day. Back to having ugly babies.

Beautifulpeople has now launched a ‘fertility introduction service’ for ‘regular looking people’, with eggs and sperm provided by members of the Beautiful people community.

Site founder Robert Hintz was gracious enough to say a few words about his generous gift to the non-beautiful. “Initially, we hesitated to widen the offering to non-beautiful people,” Hintz told the Vancouver Sun, “but everyone – including ugly people – would like to bring good-looking children into the world and we can’t be selfish with our attractive gene pool.” Oh, well, thank you, Robert Hintz. You are a god among insects. And so attractive! Look at that jaw line. So fine. At first, I was worried my regularity would condemn me invariably to regular-looking children. But thanks to you, Rob, I can finally have a Batman-jawed Adonis, just like you. Care to donate one of your eggs, Rob?

[Via TechRadar]

Written by Ty Dunitz

Ty is an illustrator who stays up too late, and has to wear glasses. You can follow him on Twitter if you want to (@glitchritual), but he's just gonna throw your stupid PR crap in the garbage, so don't email him.
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