All That Cool Stuff What Apple Done Released Yesterday

Oh, hi there. You okay? You look a little red. Y’know what, that’s probably the burning desire you have to know about everything Apple released yesterday that wasn’t a trackpad. You look bloody awful. Here, let me tell you about this stuff so you can cool down a bit, yeah? Yeah. Let’s go over the key features.

The New iMac

$1299+

A dual- or quad-core Intel Core i3, i5, or i7 now rocks out with its socks out, meaning the Core 2 Duo is now relegated only to the Mac Mini. Graphics are now discrete, which means dedicated memory on its own card. The screens have adopted the iPad’s IPS technology, giving the iMac a positively monstrous 178-degree viewing angle. If you’re going to use one computer to watch your Chinatown bootlegs, it’s going to be this one. The Magic Mouse is standard now, and you can also order a 256GB solid state drive, which is nothing short of tubular.

Apparently the speakers are ‘bassier’, but don’t kid yourself. If you care at all about audio quality, you’re going to buy real speakers.

The New Cinema Display

$999

27 big inches of take-your-mother-out-for-a-respectful-dinner-date-and-then-never-call-her-again, the new LED display charges your Macbook and your phone, adjusts brightness and contrast automatically based on ambient lighting conditions, also features IPS, and watches you sleep.  Seriously, it’s kind of creepy.

Apparently the max resolution of this thing is 2560 x 1440, which is honestly getting a little ludicrous. I’m running, what, I think 1920 x 1200, and I’m squinting as it is. You kids today must have great eye sight.

The New Mac Pro

$You don’t want to know

Incidentally, I’m typing this post from a Mac Pro, and it’s got eight cores as it is. But next to the new Mac Pro, my computer is a laughable pile of garbage. With the option to load dual 6-core Xeon chips onto this thing, you can rock nothing short of twelve total processing cores. That is needlessly awesome. Hell, even eight is pushing necessity.

Other than that, honestly, the Mac Pro remains more or less unchanged – not surprising, really. It’s already The Thing That Should Not Be as far as computers go. When Big Steve called desktop computers ‘trucks’, he was talking about the Mac Pro. And he was talking about monster trucks.