It's A Tough Jobs, But Somebody's Gotta Do It

These days, Big Steve (that’s Jobs, for anyone who hasn’t figured out my schtick yet) is considered by and large as magical as he likes to claim the iPad. What a handsome chin. What a dapper turtleneck. The guy’s gotta have a CHA score of, like, 18 at least. The turtleneck’s probably giving him a bonus, too. Hunkalicious.

Over the last couple months, one easy out for blogfolk tapped for stories has been to report on random emails, from both consumers and fans alike, that Jobs has decided to cryptically answer. Much to his chagrin, though, said laziness on the part of the blogfolk has created an unrelenting tide of emails heading Steveward – everyone wants a piece of Jobs, hoping in vain he’ll answer their email, and preparing a spot on their bedroom wall for the frame.

While you’re waiting for Steve to answer your mail, you can get some practice in with eSarcasm’s Steve Jobs Email Generator. Ask the generator a question, and it’ll randomly spit a to-the-point Jobsian response your way. Simple as that. Ask him anything. Life. Love. Hats. Actually, don’t ask him about hats. Ever. He’s sensitive about hats.

Giddy to receive a simulated version of the thrill I’ll no doubt have when the real Steve answers my email, I decided to give it a try.

What I asked, I will take to my grave. What’s important is the response. Behold.

From: Steve Jobs
Subject: Your email

Aren’t you the same guy who asked about anal bleaching last week? Stop emailing me.

Steve

Sent from my iPhone

Truly magical.

Written by Ty Dunitz

Ty is an illustrator who stays up too late, and has to wear glasses. You can follow him on Twitter if you want to (@glitchritual), but he's just gonna throw your stupid PR crap in the garbage, so don't email him.
SEE MORE ARTICLES BY "Ty Dunitz"

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