JVC Flexes and Grunts and Scratches Its ‘Pods With the UX-FH7

I’ve always hated iPod stereos – always these fruity little white folding egg-shaped dealies with questionable sound quality. I mean, I enjoy what they’re trying to go for, emulating the design sensibilities of Apple itself, but guys, it’s not working. Case in point. I like minimal, sexy things, but I demand performance. I demand big, square woofers. I demand a man’s stereo.

It would seem that JVC has heard my cries (seriously, guys, I stand on my balcony and shout about this in despair. All the time.) and, in JVC fashion, has decided not to piss around in forging a big, sweaty man-device to throw your iPod into. Well, ‘big’, relative to your typical iPod stereo, anyway.

The UX-FH7 has decided one iPod dock isn’t good enough, providing two docks to fill with your throbbing, rigid status symbol. That’s right, this thing fits two portable Apple devices for no reason other than that it can. Whether or not it can play both simultaneously is unknown (and probably not a good bet), but then again, it does have two docks, and I’m not buying it if I can’t play Merzbow and Enya at the same time.

The other standout feature is the CD tray – not the fact that it even exists in today’s digital world, but that you can use it to rip your CD collection directly to a USB drive. If that isn’t totally handy, then you don’t have hands. Get your handless self out of my sight, Stumpy.

This hair-chested exercise in iPod testosterone also features video out and produces 2x30W. This thing is not interested in not being manly as shit.

(It also comes in white.)

By tydunitz

Ty is an illustrator who stays up too late, and has to wear glasses. You can follow him on Twitter if you want to (@glitchritual), but he's just gonna throw your stupid PR crap in the garbage, so don't email him.

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