Would You Kill A Man For An iPod Ninja? Would You Kill A Man WITH One?

Turns out Big Steve isn’t the ninja we all thought he was. After being pulled aside and searched at Kansai International Airport in Japan, throwing stars were allegedly found in his luggage, and were promptly confiscated by security.

Enraged, Jobs reportedly stated he’d never visit Japan again. But he wasn’t pissed for any old reason. Security had just unwittingly blown the lid off Steve’s latest revolutionary game-changing device:

The iPod ninja.

“iPod ninja fits into that sweet spot between the iPod touch and a small handgun,” Apple spokesperson Ted Wetmore tells Scoopertino. “It gives you peace of mind. You can either enjoy your music on the device — or you can fling it at anyone who looks at you funny.”

I obvs called up Apple to preorder like ten of these – who wouldn’t – but the associate I spoke to cleverly feigned ignorance. Whatever, phone lady. The cat’s out of the bag.

I sure hope these come with free bumpers.