Zombie Reports Track the Coming Undead Apocalypse

Ty Dunitz October 29 Offbeat

With Halloween a mere 36 hours away, sightings of unsavoury creatures of all manner will be on the rise, and it’s integral that the ballyhoo caused by their appearance is kept under control. Perhaps the greatest threat of all, though, is zombies.

No, really. What, you thought it was vampires or something? Have you seen a zombie movie lately? They can run now, guys. If that isn’t terrifying, you do not exist. If you’re one of those zombie purists who don’t believe zombies can run, you’re going to be among the first to be eaten, and frankly, you just have fun with that. You’re on your own, hero.

Luckily for those of us genuinely concerned about our safety, we have Zombie Reports, a service begun by intrepid members of the zombie resistance concerned only with the survival of our species. The website documents and maps all reported zombie incidents the world over, allowing a visual representation of the spreading plague and allowing a support network for those of us who’d rather not be turned into a mindless, slobbering creature of the night. Man, April was a bad month.

It goes without saying that if you’ve witnessed a zombie incident in your neighbourhood, you should contact ZR immediately with the details. The entire human race is in this together.

Happy Halloween, if you survive.

Written by Ty Dunitz

Ty is an illustrator who stays up too late, and has to wear glasses. You can follow him on Twitter if you want to (@glitchritual), but he's just gonna throw your stupid PR crap in the garbage, so don't email him.
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