The Future's So 3D, I Just Got To Wear Shades

You know those douchebags who wear their sunglasses absolutely everywhere, right? Can I ask you a question? …Would you like to be one of them? Polaroid is hoping you will.

Buddying up with RealD – I always say that in the movie guy voice, don’t you? – Polaroid has unleashed into the world a ‘collection’ of ‘premium’ ‘sunglasses’ that ‘protect’ your eyes from ‘sunlight’ and ‘2D’. The Polaroid 3D Eyewear is designed not only as a replacement for traditional flimsy disposable RealD glasses, but also as a fashion statement. No, really. I swear, you’re reading this correctly. This is a thing. Polaroid wants you to wear 3D glasses outside.

To be fair, these aren’t the least handsome sunglasses in the world. You wouldn’t attract any unwanted attention from passers-by, were you to take a trip to the beach in these bad mothertruckers. That being said, Polaroid readily advises that the glasses shouldn’t be worn for periods of ‘extended outdoor usage’. Well, alright, Polaroid, but in that case… what’s the point? Isn’t that what you designed them for? Isn’t that why your patented ‘Themofusion techno-logy [sic]’ is going to work, here? Two bullet points above the warning, they even state the glasses are lightweight FOR EXTENDED WEAR.

You’re sending really mixed signals, Polaroid. Whatever the case, if you’re tired of looking like a dork in a dark theatre where no one can see you anyway, you may want to look into these dawgs.

Written by Ty Dunitz

Ty is an illustrator who stays up too late, and has to wear glasses. You can follow him on Twitter if you want to (@glitchritual), but he's just gonna throw your stupid PR crap in the garbage, so don't email him.

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