Going Somewhere, Steve Ballmer?

I dunno much about stocks, but I know just enough to know that when someone loud and important (and loud (and most importantly, loud)) sells a crap-ton of them, something possibly suspicious is going down. Maybe. Perhaps.

Everyone’s favourite CEO, Steve Ballmer (he’s totally your favourite, right? Of course he is) has spent the last few days dumping over 49 million shares of Microsoft, worth 1.3 billion dollars. I’m happy you’re ever-more obscenely rich, Steve, but… anything you wanna tell us? Windows Phone 7 launches today. You quitting while you’re ahead, or something?

Reuters reports that Steve’s stock sale has cut his share of Microsoft by 12 percent. That’s no small margin. Is Ballmer getting ready to drive off into the sunset with a sexy car full of money and beautiful ladies? Apparently, he isn’t.

“Even though this is a personal financial matter, I want to be clear about this to avoid any confusion. I am excited about our new products and the potential for our technology to change people’s lives, and I remain fully committed to Microsoft and its success.”

Sometimes, you need 1.3 billion dollars right the hell now.

Maybe it’s true, Steve isn’t going anywhere. But Stee-Ball, you have got to learn a thing or two about timing your affairs. I’m sure you have a reasonable explanation for the sale, but… not before your most important mobile product launch ever. You haven’t sold stock in seven years, and you’re choosing to do so now? That’s just asking for trouble. Trouble in the form of bloggers pokin’ round your bidness. Like me.

Written by Ty Dunitz

Ty is an illustrator who stays up too late, and has to wear glasses. You can follow him on Twitter if you want to (@glitchritual), but he's just gonna throw your stupid PR crap in the garbage, so don't email him.

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