Privacy Issues Get Zuckerberg All Moist

Things were getting hot and sticky during Mark Zuckerberg’s interview at D8. It could have been the lights just as easily as the rough spanking he was given right out of the gate about the privacy issue. Yeah, I’m sick to death about the privacy thing, too. But man, was Zuckerberg working up a sweat. You can see it from here, man! Look! Did he run to the conference?

“Privacy is very important to us,” said Zuckerberg, predictably. “Now, there have been misperceptions that we’re trying to make all information open, but that’s false. We encourage people to keep their most private information private. But some of the most basic information, we suggest that people leave public.” Mark, if you ‘suggest’ I order the steak by putting a steak in front of me, and then leave it up to me to order something else if I don’t want it, that’s not very fair. I’m hungry now.

When asked why people should be required to take steps on their own to protect themselves, Zuck got all cryptic, talking about ‘serendipitous connections’ – I assume the connections to which he’s referring are those that can take place if we leave our asses in the wind to the entire internet. Fair enough; and if I wrestle enough bears hand-to-hand, I might eventually serendipitously find and be bitten by a radioactive superbear and gain sweet bear powers. If I’m not killed to f***ing pieces first.

Jesus, that was a bizarre analogy.

Unquestionably, the greatest part of the interview was when Mark was finally questioned about his incredibly wet state: “You all right? We’re not even yelling at you…yet.” Removing his hoodie to reveal a practically Masonic Facebook logo, one interviewer remarked “Oh my god! You’re a cult!” Lols all around.

I was going to finish this off with a joke about Mark Zuckerberg taking swimming lessons, maybe juxtapose it with the still uncertain future of Facebook privacy, but it’s totally not panning out. Let’s say it’s the thought that counts. Just write your own joke.

[Via All Things Digital]

Written by Ty Dunitz

Ty is an illustrator who stays up too late, and has to wear glasses. You can follow him on Twitter if you want to (@glitchritual), but he's just gonna throw your stupid PR crap in the garbage, so don't email him.
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