Google is the greatest company on Earth. So if someone plans to dethrone the greatest company on our small planet, it’s going to require more than a vision and a good work ethic. It requires doing things that the average human is not capable of doing. Quite frankly, you might need to be inhuman to do this.

This is why I proudly present my personal step-by-step guide to building the Google killer for the more human-like individuals. This is a collection of thoughts and insights that I believe contain all the actions necessary to bring down the Google empire.

So let’s jump right into it.

Step 1: ‘Nut Up or Shut Up’

Taken from the movie Zombieland (a personal favorite of mine), the ability to “nut up or shut up” is a necessary trait to have when creating a Google killer. You’re not competing with the lemonade stand on the opposite side of the street: You are competing with freaking Google! The average joe probably is not going to fair too well attempting to create a business of this magnitude. You can’t be afraid, even though every person on this planet would likely agree that Google would oust you in a heartbeat.

Step 2: Make Bank

Once you’ve mustered up the courage to create the Google killer of the future, you’re going to need to rob a few banks to acquire the amount of capital necessary to last. Not only do you need this money to pay for the amazing talent you’re going to need to help you make it to the top, you will also need money to fend off Google’s (and other) attempts at buying you off so you won’t make it to the top. Remember, you are better than that — you want to crush them, not join them. Selling out is not an option (unless you are looking for an early retirement).

Step 3: Build It, They Will Come

The next step is to get to work and build remarkable products and services that put the competition to shame. To convince someone to switch from Google or elsewhere, you will need to offer an experience several times more amazing than what that user is currently using to make it worth the switch; otherwise, it isn’t worth the effort to create in the first place.

Step 4: Total Package

After you have amassed a collection of programs of services that are able to compete with the likes of Google, it is time to bring them together in a seamless package. You can’t beat Google with only an e-mail client or only a search interface. You need it all: calendar, contacts, e-mail, search, images, maps, video, documents, advertising, and a social network. If you can’t provide these things, users have no reason to leave the existing tools that Google offer, because it is far too convenient for them to stay where they are and enjoy having everything in one place.

Step 5: Give It Away

Once the package is complete, it is now time to give it away. Yeah, that’s right. If you want to compete with Google, you have to compete with Google’s own business model. It might sound impossible, but we all know by now that traffic is the most important thing on the Web. If you have the traffic, there is going to be some way to monetize it.

Step 6: Stickiness

By this point, we are going to assume that you will have established a great company with great products and plenty of traffic. Give yourself a pat on the back. But realize that this is only the beginning. The next task will be getting all that traffic to stick with you. Also, getting users to migrate from the competition like Aol, Yahoo, Microsoft, and even Google to your products is no easy task.

Step 7: Identity

Convincing users to give you their information and, in turn, sharing that information with companies willing to pay to know everything they possibly can about you is crucial. Google has mastered this: so much that Google knows more about us than we know ourselves. The crazy thing is that I don’t mind Google knowing all this stuff about me because Google makes my life easier. If your company can do this, I wouldn’t mind sharing my information with you either. This is where the possibility of generating money through advertising comes into play.

Step 8: Pray

The final step is the simplest one perform but the hardest realization to swallow: if you expect to beat Google, you will have to work your butt off, be amazing in every aspect of business, get the media to cover you relentlessly, convince millions that your products are better than already amazing products, give it all away for free, and do all this with no guarantee that it will pay off.

Yes. It is truly that easy.

The fine print: Past performance does not guarantee future results. This means that none of what I said is probably going to result in you actually building a true Google killer. Furthermore, no amount of self-help reading will change this. That said, it is nice to dream, right?