The opportunity to overthrow the social networking powerhouse is now greater than ever. Just think, you (yes, you) could be the next Tom from MySpace or Mark Zuckerberg. Pretty cool, right? Definitely, but you’re not going to be the next face of social media without heeding to the advice of successful business moguls of years past.
American automotive guru Henry Ford once said, “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” While these words of wisdom can still be applied over 60 years after his death, they have little to do with social networking. Let’s face it, Mr. Ford knew nothing about the internet.
That being the case, when creating a social networking site with intentions of dominating the web, it would be more appropriate to follow the philosophy of Steve Jobs — “Lesser artists borrow; great artists steal.” Right on, Steve!
With that in mind, you’re ready to begin your path to social media domination, following in the footsteps of the great minds before you. I would wish you luck, but you won’t be needing it. Follow the 9 steps listed below, and success is inevitable.
Step 1: Craft a Concept
The first step to creating the hottest new social networking site on the block is crafting the concept. Before this step can be achieved, however, you’ll need to prepare. How? Drop out of school (college, high school, middle school… it doesn’t matter), it will only hold you back. Briefly take note of the features that Facebook embodies or take the concept behind up-and-coming projects like Diaspora and run with it. With that out of the way, step 1 is complete. What? We’re not actually innovating here, remember? Onto step 2…
Step 2: Establish a Name
Two roads can be taken here. Your first option is stringing together two (seemingly) nonsensical words, a la Facebook. Make sure to leave out anything that might clearly explain what, exactly, your site is all about. Really, you’ll only be limited by your own creativity here. If you’re running low on ideas, pick out a couple of items from around your room and combine them into one word (e.g. CoffeeFolder). If that’s not for you, just make up a word that is complete nonsense, but sounds important (Twitter, Imgur, Bitly). Got it? Good.
Step 3: Obtain Venture Capital
Alright, let’s talk finances. Building a social networking site of epic magnitude will come at a cost, and the reality of being a broke dropout will likely set in at this point. Don’t worry, that’s why venture capital firms exist — to give you money! Google some venture capital firms and set up meetings with the ones you think will be a fit.
Now you’ll need to prepare a business model to pitch. This is the easy part. Why is that? Investors are typically, well, old… and likely have no experience with the internet. Write down some statistics, print out infographics, and get your vocabulary down. You’ll want to make use of terms like “web 2.0” and “social media” early and often. This will reassure them that you know what you’re talking about. Once your pitch is done, shake hands with your investors and cash your million dollar check.
Step 4: Hire Some Employees
With your newly acquired funding, the first thing you’ll want to do is hire employees. You’re the head honcho now, you can’t be wasting time actually working. So who will you hire? Well, that’s the best part — your friends.That hot girl from Algebra? Marketing coordinator. The guy that plays World of Warcraft on his Alienware laptop between classes? Programmer. You get the idea. Be the cool boss and pay them well. Remember, they’re the core of your operations. Keep them happy with loose deadlines and paid time off in the event of a gnarly hangover.
Step 5: Program Your Site
It’s time to put your programmer to use. Unfortunately, while he appears to be a massive geek on the outside, he may know nothing about programming. Fear not, for every problem you encounter, there’s a simple solution. The whole basis of your social network is taking the ideas of others and putting your own spin on it. Remember, great artists steal. It’s time to put that into action. Rip the code of your favorite social networking website, slap your brand name on it, and you’re done. If you’re feeling especially lazy, just use a Facebook clone template.
Step 6: Launch Your Site
After cloning your favorite social network, or coding your own if you’re particularly ambitious, it’s time to launch your site. Get a shared hosting account with a reputable company like GoDaddy, register your domain name, and start uploading files. The whole process should take no more than an hour or two.
The best part of running with a company like GoDaddy is the fact that they provide unlimited hosting at cheap rates. That’s right,unlimited, they don’t care how much bandwidth you use. Rest assured, your site will be able to handle the millions of page views it will inevitably have on a daily basis and run as fast as lightning. You may ask how a company providing such a service is able to remain profitable? The answer: nobody knows.
Step 7: Sit Back and Profit
With your network launched and millions of new users flocking to it by the day, it’s time to profit. How? Load it up with advertisements, duh. Much like privacy controls, users do not mind excessive advertisements. How do you think Zuckerberg pulled billions in revenue?
Unlike Zuckerberg, however, you’re going to pull out all of the stops: pop ups, banners, contextual ads, etc. This will ensure that your site earns at its full potential. Also, it will work to enhance your site by giving your users access to awesome IQ quizzes and free trial weight loss products. With your ads intact, feel free to sit back and watch both visitor satisfaction and profit margins increase.
Step 8: Sell Your Site
After milking the pockets of visitors and advertisers worldwide, you will soon be faced with the harsh reality of declining profits. At this point, it’s important not to panic; this is actually the moment you’ve been waiting for. Really? Yes, really. It’s time to sell your site off to a company that has the power to bring new life to it.
You’ll be faced with a tough decision, but ultimately, it’s in your best interest to sell to a company that has proved to be successful in such endeavors. Popular choices include AOL and Fox Interactive Media. Settle for no offer below $500 million.
Step 9: Retire
With your nine digit check cashed and sitting in the bank, it’s time to retire. The last six months have been hard for you, and you need a lifelong break from the interweb. First, however, you’ll need to find a tropical paradise to retire in. Nantucket, the Bahamas, and Costa Rica are all popular choices.
Pick one, purchase beachfront property, and load your newly acquired home with the most expensive technology and gadgets known to man. Oh, don’t forget to buy a yacht and several luxury cars. Proceed to live out your life in pure bliss. The only difficult decision you’ll face now is: Beamer, Benz, or Bentley?
ohh..sounds so easy..been thinking of creating a clone of twitter with my brother..he’s the good programmer and im the business person wannabe..
Anybody care to team up with me to grow this concept out? Call me or email me if interested. 🙂
Yes I Have steps 1 and 2 done. I’m working on three but would like to have a programmer in place before hand if you are interested email me back.
hi
i just completed atleast 70% of the site, for u iam a ready made programmer, if interested ping me.
hi
i almost completed a social networking, it has both features of facebook and orkut, but not all of facebook like games and other stuff.
if you are interested get back to me.
someone to write a social networking website. Prices?
yeah,can u pls put me through…am trying to create a social website and i really need help.i have bought a domain and web host already….
If u are about to create a SOCIAL NETWORK. I suggest to create it on your own better not to depend on
others in some consequences…
very interesting … tried to do social networking with several platforms, facebook wasnt reallly that cool when it first started, i guess people are sick of myspace and wanted else. facebook got a lot of publicity and exposure, i think that was the turning point.
“You may ask how a company providing such a service is able to remain profitable? The answer: nobody knows.”
You don’t know, because you dropped out of school in Step 1
somebody will do it. who thought myspace would be going away a few years ago? Change is the only Constant.
Do people give /any/ thought to writing tech articles these days?
This guy is an idiot. Sorry, I really can’t agree with almost /anything/ in this article – and this is from someone (me) who has launched a software company, has a patent-pending algorithm, and raised $1.1m in grants and VC. Oh, and by the way, the company failed, and miserably. The only thing that stopped the 4 founders from duking it out in court is that everyone basically walked away to go do something else after we all got royally fucked over by our “CEO” and the VC’s. The former CEO and the VC’s effectively own a failed company and my patent. Lucky them.
/Maybe/ you could re-order the steps in this article to: 1, 5, 2, 6; but then we have to deal with the false reality of the rest of the suggestions…
4 should be re-titled to “beg your other coder buddies to jump in with you in their evenings and weekends”. Who the hell has money to hire people? At that stage in the company’s development? It takes /years/ to become profitable, the last thing you want to do is resurrect the go-go days of the dot-com boom and be beholden to some VC scumbag while burning through millions of funding w/o any real revenue. Forget it. You’d be better off digging a whole in your backyard and climbing in.
7 and 8 are pipe dreams… 7 alone will take more energy, enthusiasm, and focus than building the goddamn thing ever did;
8… why the hell would you even start a company just to sell it? Seriously, go buy and sell stocks, save yourself the heartache.
3 – AVOID THIS LIKE THE PLAGUE. The second you give your dream over to VC, they OWN you. If you do #3, FORGET about #8 and certainly forget about #9.
Seriously. The guy who wrote this obviously writes for a living, and doesn’t actually invent or try to start tech companies. Therefore, he has no idea WTF he’s talking about.
/rant
Jay, for someone supposedly so smart (though you probably didn’t do all that stuff yourself, you probably hired experts to make it all for you, you were just the “think tank” if anything, so not really all that smart), you seem to have missed that this article is somewhat facetious. Seriously, stop being so serious. You’re not impressing anyone.
i m interested in making a social networking website can any one tell me how much is the initial cost to make the website…!!
This article has no idea what it’s talking about. Steps 5 & 6 should be more like 2 and 3 (at least, they have been for almost every successful software company). Getting some VC should come *after* you’ve hired your first few employees (or not at all), there’s no such thing as ‘Sit back and Profit’ in this business, because you can gaurentee someone is already working to beat you. As for #8, if you’ve just created the site that bought down Facebook, why the hell would you sell it? Better to keep it and keep making money.
GoDady advertisement with in the article is regrettable 🙁 and the rest of the article is just a fantasy…lol 🙂 Dare to publish this comment? I guess…no?
Obviously Jay doesn’t know how to spell sarcasm.
Techi Editorial: This article is HORRIBLE. You often have good content. You have a great name and web design. Many like what you’re building. I like what you’re building, but PLEASE be more careful about your standards. This degree of suck can really affect your perception. A concerned reader, -Tyler
I did that but step 7 never happened. what did i do wrong ?
Not that anyone noticed this article is half-sarcastic and not a real business plan.
Don’t take it so serious people! Its satire – Doh!
LOL, seems reasonable to me dude. I mean at this point, anything would beat Facebook!
Lou
I had some free time this morning so I followed these steps and boy did I get results. It’s barely noon and I’m living the dream at step 9.
This is exactly what the guys from did!
I agree with Tyler…
Haha, if only 🙂
Funny article.
Most most us must be want directly to the step no 7, 8 and 9 lol
The best way to make good and profitable stuff is to begin with step 9 as I did. So you have time and disponibility to make what you want, perhaps more interesting things. ;-). So I’ll never pass the step 8. My company is ‘hors de prix’.
Love it when a plan comes together 😮
i think the comments are more important than the article itself. it was clearly meant to be funny and the comments should go some way to make the would be social network entrepreneurs ask themselves questions.
in my opinion failures will occur when the business owners start thinking of 7, 8 and 9 too much and lose track of their objective. if that initial objective has not been validated by conclusive research, careful planning and/or lack of foresight on your market then you are doomed before 1.
a retired social network entrepreneur living in the maldives (ok this bit is a dream)
Looking at this again, I can see that it was written to be satirical, but even as a piece of satire, it’s really, really bad. Satire is supposed to have a point. I don’t think it had one. My brain skimmed through this and thought, “Why is Techi posting something so pointless as this?” I’ve been reading some nice articles from Techi for a while now, and this one was way off from my expectations.
😛 nice article dude 🙂
@commenters
dun take everything so serious ppl ..
I never realized just how easy beating Facebook out really is. 🙂
Nice article, makes me think
This is an obvious satire of how people looking for a quick buck seem to think starting a social networking site is easy, how prevalent these type of start-up ventures have become, and how unsuccessful they’ve all been in dethroning Facebook. My suggestion for people looking to start a social media networking site is to do the opposite of everything written. Better yet, chew on the authors real message for a while: starting a social media site that will beat out Facebook is a huge undertaking, and it will take a lot more than regurgitated ideas and the desire for a big payday to achieve it.
Looks like a good article. It’s got all ideas that you need to start your own social network. I like the idea of using Facebook clone by which may save your time.
I am looking for a Programmer that wants to make this reality. Let me know if anyone is interested. Thanks
This really works! I am on Step 7 now–with repeated trips back to Step 3. What’s nice is that I am already working on Step 9. Here is how my modified plan works. Start small with Step 3–lot’s of angel capital groups are willing to shell out $50K for a thing like this. Use the first lump of money to find someone who can make your site look even better–and some more to pay shills to add traffic to the net. Third world outsourcing works great for this, its cheap and no one can really tell the difference from the fractured English they use over what the TwitterHeads write.
Getting the right domain name in the beginning is very important. I disregarded the info here and was really pleased that myfriendssuck.com was available.
The important thing to remember is repeating Step 3 often. Don’t tell your new investers about the previous ones–hire a debarred CPA to doctor your books to look like the old money is coming from advertising and membership. I am on my fourth round of sucking in greedy capitalists now, and the latest group is about to close for $1.2M. As to Step 9, I already have an option on a nice condo overlooking Avenida de Mayo in Buenos Aires…
Haha what a load f crap, What planet is this guy living on? hmmmmm
I like 7 8 and 9 hahaha, the person that wrote this article has obviously done it?(sarcasm), you obviously haven’t got a clue. Personally I know what its like to work on developing a community site and its not as easy as all the funny above. Yes you need an idea(different) name(attractive) and a programmer but dam venture Capital, hiring people( a bit of hard grft wouldn’t go a miss or take up coding to do it yourself)
By far the Funniest article I have read all year
It’s so exciting building your own Social Network. I am using Seam, JSF, Jboss, Postgres DB and my work computer on the weekends. So far so good looking at launch in a couple months with Zero start up $$. Even if my site fails, I can use it on my Resume or a demo of my work experience. Fun article. If you know Seam email me
That is amazing! keep on posting 🙂
More and more businesses are making use of this new technology. They are using social media to create brand awareness, reach prospective clients, manage online reputation and build brand image.
This article was meant to be humorous, but has lots of truth behind it. However determine you have to be in order to turn your dream into reality than you must be that and more. So for those of that thought it was funny, or not even true. Only you have to believe your bullshit, but the power to convince others to believe it makes it that much easier if you’re confident about yourself. I ‘m going to be launching a website in a few years God willing watch this……………………………
If this guy knows how to build a social networking site so well, he wouldve built one, we wouldve joined it, and you guys wouldnt be reading this.
This got me thinking. I wonder why those attacking this post will not read in between the lines. This guys sounds satiric but it makes a lot of sense. You may not do everything he said in the order he said it or in the way he makes it look, it is worth trying out something. I was already thinking in this direction before I read this post. I am not interested in deposing FB but I am out to make my dough using social network and I am going on it no stopping me.
For those who don’t know. Selling you business may give you more money than you can really make running it in the first place. This is because of perceived value. ANyway, I enjoyed this post
if six months is what need to make socail netowrk, all one billion internet users will had Social Network by thier own.
There are alots of points missing here, and oen of them is that how you can drive big traffic to your website or social Network in 6 month even if you purchesed perfect promting solution in the internet and had also best marking team.
i think its meant to be a joke lol
can any provide such info dat…hw do v make different pages fuctionong…lik inFB hw v go from home 2 messages an all dat…..hw do v program all dat…????de thng provided above z informative…..but wer s de exact extract?????
Good sarcasm. I’m sure you know that it takes a lot of hard work to deliver traffic. To reach Alexa #2 is a feat in itself. Facebook can operate independently as a search engine. In any case, you post was fun to read. Thanks.
Truly inspirational !! but y i don’t see any significant challenge to likes of face book in near future even Google+ seems to be dying after creating so much buzz…
That is because Google+ was a rip off of Facebook, with the concept of “circles” being added. If you want success, you can’t follow this article word for word, just take it as a guideline or use it for a good laugh. Either way, to be successful you have to be innovative to a degree. Come up with something new, something that isn’t mocking Twitter, Facebook, Google+, etc. (but yet, still a social networking site)
not soo easy as u said… go get a life
its quite easy to make people fool, if u know how to make them,
this guy knows that very well.
u make it sound easy though.. but theres more work to it
here’s few good tools
hello am from ghana and am here to lean more,
This is by far the funniest and best site I have seen on this subject…
Can VC helps in pakistan any body knows email me please I am waiting
If you trying do a project that will be major if you a programmer, a investor or even someone to help with the business then lets team up and make history together
im asking who should i hire, a web developer, or a programmer?
Plus, what are capital firms, are they advisors?
How much money should i borrow from an investor?
I just started planning for a social network. I decided to do some research and this was the first article I came across. I was cracking up by Step 1 and it got even funnier after that! Seriously, if some of you people can’t realize that this was pure sarcasm (with a bit of truth behind it), then you guys don’t need to be starting ANY business.
Great article!
This is cool and all but, why don’t YOU make a social networking site that totally kills Facebook?
I plan on doing it…
seems easy,lets try it out…
I have always been very interested in creating social network rather than using one. since this post seems relevant, I am sharing my website with you. Here it is- . Thanks
Hi guys i am a programmer and likes ma job this is a satirical kind of stuff. Above all, i like the sense on its mirror for those of you interesting in social network i got a mind bluing idea got the domain already n working in making them happen at time appropriate but need a team requirements are you must have something to offer concerning computer programming/web technologies, a positive thinker.I don not care where you are coming here is the vision do u like Technology and cares about its impact in the next generation. Email me immediately, i take the first people first [email protected]. Thanks
hi
i like this article.but what about people’s awareness of social network?
Well i will not want it to create a page about my new social network on facebook to inform peoples about my site.
So can you tell me how will my site get publicity like facebook?
Thanks for help
Thanks for sharing such article with concept of development of social networking website. The ideas you shared are really great but killing Facebook will require more innovative ideas and also require specific strategy. Facebook is really great and successful social networking site, it is not easy to compete with FB.
Hi All thanx for sharing your comment……
thinking lot and lot about social networking site, one idea came into my mind and i will bet to all of you, u never think about this even this my idea i have never seen any social networking site. I have guaranty it if this idea used any social networking site it will become very popular and famous guaranty it……it’s not my overconfidence but 100% confidence.
If anyone interested pls pig me or mail me on [email protected] .
Hey man don’t take me wrong asking you this why didn’t create one as you already know & have all these ideas?
Sound Interesting — How to make money by launching a web site
Could anyone help help with where I can get a real social networking website template in html5 to use? Thanks.
this writer pretty sucks…he made it sound so easy which it is absolutely not!!!
Hello Everyone !
I would like to say that this article is quite ok but virtually it is impossible to succeed with so many big sharks on the vast ocean.
For long time I so tried many times to put my ideas into action but i feel like i am alone in this universe, It is not that my ideas are not brilliant, as a matter of fact are the most creative and most original, but i feel like i cant ever find the right people. I have a great project in mind and i would love to get in touch with some determined fellows to put it into action.
I like to show the world how much i love it, And i just realized its the moment for this 🙂
Contact me at vicmarrealestate at gmail dot com
@ nepster martin
I can assure you all i have more creative and original ideas than older face book.
face book is old and heavy…
I want to make a social networking site so I want a suggestion can anyone suggest me plz
The best social network for your phone.
I got a really good idea for a new website it’s as good as Facebook or even better I want to make it but I’m only 13 can someone please give the steps I have to take and the things I have to buy and do to make this awesome website.
Seriously, can you put up a disclaimer that this is satire! From the comments it seems like 90% of the crowd (and 100% from India 🙂 are feverishly coding or hiring befuddled coders to make their version of facebook, orkut, whatevah; following the steps to the T.
I already hired two programmers. Does anyone know any venture capitalist I can talk to? I need to raise like One Million before launching my site. Another thing is: will anyone here agree to test my website in the pilot phase (beta)?
No Competition Of Facebook. Facebook is The King of Social Networks Now
it isn’t that much easy……………there are only 9 steps and each of them contains 1000’s of sub-sub steps i think …….
I appreciate reading through your web site. Kudos!
I am creating mine now
how fb was maked by mark zuckerberg at harvad university