No one can ever say Sharp didn’t make unique phones. Actually, ‘unique’ may be a bit of an understatement in this case, as these here two devices what I’m about to fill your eyes with are possibly more at home filed under ‘absolutely ridiculous’.

Y’all ready for this?

First out of the woodwork is the TOUCH WOOD. I’m not even making this up, this is a thing. The TOUCH WOOD. The Sharp TOUCH WOOD. I have a real hunch that released Stateside, we would see a zealously over-tasteful name change. Sadly, though, we won’t – the TOUCH WOOD is a Japan-only release, and will see 15,000 units distributed through Japan’s NTT Docomo.

But Sharp isn’t content to release a mere one bizarre phone today, oh hells no. The 2 to the TOUCH WOOD’s 1 in this 1-2 punch of weird Sharp phones is the Bisqui Phon, which is… a phone shaped like a biscuit. Yeah, I don’t get it either, but it’s got a 9.6-inch camera, 480×854 resolution, and it’s waterproof, so that’s pretty sweet, if you like swimming with your phone, or whatever.

As with the TOUCH WOOD, the Bisqui Phon is limited to 15,000, and is a Japan-only release. Sharp really has a thing for making chocolate phones.

Also, before you get cranky at me for misleading you in the headline, I’d like to point out that it’s entirely possible to ingest a cellular telephone.

You’d just die, is all.