Is It Hot In Here, Or Is It Just You?

For the gentleman who is just too hot for his own good, Thanko has been gracious enough to supply the most ridiculous hunkalicious gadget the tech world ain’t never seen.

The USB Necktie Cooler 3 doesn’t do anything you’re not expecting by title alone – except of course for turning you into an inescapably sexy lust magnet. You thought the ladies were attracted by your regular tie? What kind of pathetic ignoramus are you? Just plug this blinding sex symbol into a USB port, strike a manly pose, and attract female coworkers and passers-by alike with the gentle whirring of your love tie. All from the comfort of your cubicle!

But sometimes you’re on the go. You can’t stand next to your desk all day; you’ve important business meetings. You’re hungry. What about lunch? Surely you’ll want to continue to woo while you eat. Luckily for you, the USB Necktie Cooler 3 comes with an optional battery pack (4 AAAs) that allows for uninterrupted sexiness, wherever you find yourself. My stars, you’re so handsome.

Naturally, you’re going to want one of these right away, but alas – USB Necktie 3 is unavailable outside of Japan. But don’t cry! A man like you doesn’t need to cry. You’re made of things like meat and granite. You know not this ‘cry’. Afterall, USB Necktie 2 is still readily available for import.

This is the best thing since TV Hat.

I’ve been waiting absolutely forever to mention TV Hat again. You don’t even know, guys.

Written by Ty Dunitz

Ty is an illustrator who stays up too late, and has to wear glasses. You can follow him on Twitter if you want to (@glitchritual), but he's just gonna throw your stupid PR crap in the garbage, so don't email him.

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  • Thomas K.

    Finally a reason for me to wear a tie. Though my co-workers down at the dog food plant are going to be looking at me funny.

  • Juandissimo Magnifico